In the last post, I shared my frustration at returning to disciplined budgeting of dollars and calories while doing so in a way that is realistic for where our lives are now (versus four years ago). The first thing I tackled was our fiscal budget. While I wouldn't say we had been bad with our money, we certainly had not been as targeted as we could have been with our saving or our spending. Once again, I found my mind drifting back to four years ago when I was solo in NYC (and when I say solo, I mean Dave was 3,000 miles away in Los Angeles so I was budgeting solo and not feeling the temptation to go out to dinner or a movie, etc.). During my last eight months living in NYC, I had managed to pay off over $11,000 in credit card debt, save roughly $15,000, and buy a used car. And as I looked back on that time (cue wavy arms and dream sequence music), all I wanted to picture was the end result - some fantasy version of myself skipping down the sidewalk a la Mary Tyler Moore and throwing my hat in the air, along with a few Benjamins, while exclaiming "I did it!" Because it's always way easier to fantasize about how it felt to reach a goal, rather than reminding yourself of all the hard work it took to get there. And, ya know, there are also just a few teensy tiny things different in my life now versus then.
First, four years ago I was living rent free. In New York City. Yes, that wasn't a typo. When my New York friends are done shaking their fists in the air, know (as you probably already do) that I was also living with my then 88 (now 92) year old Grandfather, a.k.a. Grand Master G. Now, let me say this - may we all be so lucky to live well into our golden years as fully independent and active as Grand Master G. Seriously. And so while I did not need to be Grand Master G's caretaker, I also wasn't exactly having friends over for cocktails.
Second, given the roughly eight months or so I had before making the move to Los Angeles, I had no other choice but to be smart with my money. Resisting the temptation to splurge on a dinner out, concerts, etc. was not easy but it was all a part of my short term goals: get out of debt, save money, and buy a car. I literally could not move unless I accomplished these goals. It also helped that for the first time in my adult life, I had a job with a predictable income. But again, the key take away here? Short term goals. While I wasn't consciously saying "just two more months and then you can spend however you want again," looking back I was not envisioning the bigger picture beyond my move date. So in a sense, my crazy budgeting felt temporary rather than a new habit I would continue with going forward.
Third, while I knew Dave and I were serious (umm, did you read my first point about living rent free in NYC which I gave up to move out with him?), I wasn't looking ahead to a life beyond renting an apartment or living paycheck to paycheck as artists. And, since my parents have always taught me to be strong and independent, no matter how serious I knew Dave and I were, I did not want to move to the other side of the country with financial baggage setting me up to be reliant on anyone else - a point driven home to me from countless waitressing shifts comforting coworkers as they sobbed their way through their third shift that day, as they attempted to save up enough to move out of a studio apartment they shared with their suddenly ex-boyfriend. I had vowed never to be that girl.
Fourth, I was scared out of my mind. While I was ready for palm trees and sunshine, I was also terrified. Buying and owning a car for the first time seemed to me like buying a loaded gun. Not only were there the upfront costs (purchase, registration, insurance, etc.) but what would happen if/when it broke down? In my head I imagined I would drive across the California border, pull over and get out to do a victory dance celebrating how far I had come (both literally and figuratively) and then turn around to see the car had spontaneously combusted. Okay fine, that was a little dramatic. But you get the idea. After hearing horror stories from other Cali friends about sky high repair bills and the wear and tear on their cars - but the absolute necessity of having one - I was petrified that something would happen and drain my bank account. So that also motivated me to save more before the move.
In the end, everything worked out okay. I purchased my car from my Dad (who probably would have shelled out every last cent of his retirement for a new car before selling his "little girl" one that wasn't safe as she moved 3,000 miles away), I paid off all of my debt, saved extra to have for car repairs and to buy new furniture in California, and then suddenly before I knew it, it was time to move. And while I attempted to continue my newfound love for budgeting, it just didn't happen. I did remain more aware of our "budget" and avoided getting into the sort of debt that I had ran up in my early twenties, so that was great. But, as far as targeted spending and saving? It felt impossible. Not only was I returning to an unpredictable income (both in terms of amount paid and when received), I was merging incomes for the first time in my life. Having shared some expenses with Dave while we toured the country in our previous job, I had naively thought this would be easy. It was not. So little by little, the savings decreased. The credit card that hadn't been used since being paid off reappeared (albeit this time only for costly cross-country flights not for dinner, clothes, and movies, but it still reappeared). And yet, we muddled our way through. Until we decided we didn't want to muddle anymore.
Deciding to relocate back "home" to the East coast was a tough decision (one that could easily take up several posts). But at the end of the day, we decided that we wanted to look ahead to the bigger picture. Having become an Aunt and Uncle for the first time (and also now engaged), we realized how much work was ahead of us if we wanted to continue building the sort of life we envisioned for the future. We knew we were lucky to have graced stages all across this beautiful country - and if we were to interview our twelve year old selves and tell them that's what we would get to do, it would have blown our minds. And while yes, we never made it to Broadway and you never heard us on the big screen (but you will see the back of my head in two seconds...wait for it...there! That was me!), we also had dreams of owning a house, traveling the world, and providing the sort of lives for our future children that our parents provided for us. We did not want to miss out on all the other dreams we have, from tiny to big, while chasing after one bigger dream.
The past two years has certainly been an adjustment. Moving back, getting new jobs, Dave taking classes and applying to Nursing school, getting married, and buying our first home. It was a whirlwind. And while we had again paid off the small balance of flights on our credit card and now had predictable income (and had been very good about squirreling away all of the generous wedding gifts we had received), we were still muddling along. Granted, we were doing a much better job at muddling, but still muddling along. We were saving but without any sort of predictable frequency. We were making all of our bills but without attention to the time table for when they were due, leading to frantic transferring between accounts. We were taking "quick runs" to the store and coming back with unnecessary things which doubled the bill.
Finally, in April of last year I realized we needed to get on track once and for all. My Father had given me a wonderful book entitled
"On My Own Two Feet: A Modern Girl's Guide to Personal Finance" back when I lived in NYC. After it had collected dust on a shelf for about two years, when I finally picked it up and gave it a read it had been the single greatest motivator in helping me to get "on my own two feet" the first time around. One of the most powerful sentiments in the book is how we let money control our lives and yet regard it as taboo - we do not discuss it with our friends and family. Women will talk about everything under the sun (and I mean everything) but we don't chat about our retirement plans, budgeting, or financial goals. Now, yes it is a sensitive issue. They're not saying pull out a laptop and compare bank accounts. BUT, I realized the first time around that like with anything in life, if you ignore it you can't fix it. By ignoring my credit card debt in my early twenties, I gave it shame power. Embarrassed, I imagined that I was the only one with that much debt. Gingerly broaching the topic with friends helped me to realized I was not alone in my frustrations OR my goals. This helped to take away the power that my "secret" had had over me and helped motivate me towards achieving my goals. Returning to that same idea, I started chatting with those same friends - many of them also now married. How do you divide up your income (again, not discussing numbers - just pieces of the pie)? How do you handle the bills? Shopping? Retirement accounts? Fun money?
Once again, talking about my frustrations helped me to realize I was not alone. And that they systems my friends had come up with were the results of trial and error, and are still works in progress. I started thinking about some of the things they shared as well as tips on blogs, etc. Keep a notebook tracking joint spending or shopping lists? Hmm. Okay, yeah I used to do that in New York. I had a bright yellow steno pad and pencil and was constantly updating my budget/spending/goals. But, it was also just for me. How will we both share the notebook given we are out of the house a lot? I suppose we can write down our separate spending and then update it, but that seems like a recipe for failure...ugh, now I just want to eat cookies and book a vacation to Jamaica, screw budgeting!
And so my thoughts continued until I realized that I was focusing on the wrong thing - how to make our lives work for the solution, instead of finding a solution that works for our lives. If a physical notebook won't work, how about a virtual one? So I took the same template I had used on my steno pad and put it into a Google doc spreadsheet tracking all of our income, debits, savings, and accounts and input formulas to have all columns interact/update accordingly. I also created another Google doc with our weekly menu and shopping list (which has helped to cut way down on our our grocery bill, while also helping with budgeting of calories which I'll talk about more in my next post). The first few weeks were a little wonky, for lack of a better term. But slowly and surely, we kept evolving the spreadsheet to a place that worked for both of us. We can access the sheet on our iPhones or from desktops, and it updates in real time. For example, last week Dave got out of class early and offered to go grocery shopping but I had not finished the menu/shopping list yet. I quickly went in and updated it and by the time he got to the store, the list was all set. Or when one of us has an unbudgeted expense (a school fee, etc.) pop up, into the budget it goes so the other person sees it before deciding to pay a bill early, etc. We also decided to pay ourselves a certain amount of "me" money each pay period. This money has basically eliminated any argument over my husband's Dunkin' Donuts fix or my occasional mani/pedi. If it's not in the "me" money, then it doesn't happen. Lastly, it allows us to look ahead and see how certain budget items might affect us down the line. This was one of the biggest problems for us in the past - looking ahead to allocate correctly for bill dates, and not feeling like one week we had "extra" cash when really it needed to be earmarked for something else.
Since starting our new budget approach this past April, we have returned to a more targeted approach of spending and saving, while still having it fit into our lifestyles. It's not for everyone, but it works for us. And that's the most important thing. Someone else's solution might not work for you, but it can inspire you to find a way that will work for you. The key is to stop focusing on all the reasons you think you can NOT do something, and instead find a way that you can. I wasted so much energy focusing on why life four years ago allowed me to achieve my goals and how life now has so many more obstacles, instead of seeing that those "obstacles" aren't really obstacles at all. In fact, this time around it has been even easier and all the more fun knowing that Dave and I are saving together. For our goals, for our future, for our dreams. We are not just budgeting for now, but we are budgeting for Life.
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| Sample of our budget template using placeholder numbers not our actual income/bill numbers (because we dream of finding a $500 monthly mortgage in the Metro Boston area!) |
